Never Say Never
by AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf
Summary: MISSING YOU "We never wanted to lose either of them. We each loved them with everything that we had, but love can’t save you. Sometimes love isn’t enough, even though we wish it was" Life doesn't not always end up the way we want it to... AH M for LEMONS
1. Epilogue: The Big News

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Ok, this is a new one guys. Be gentle with it and tell me if you want me to continue or not…

_Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal._

~*~

Life today, moves differently than it used to. The best of friends can become lovers, and people that we think should be together break up. We just deal. We move on from the changes in life... we have no choice.

I guess fate is funny that way. The smallest of changes can cause the biggest reactions, and without even trying our whole world can come crashing down around us with no obvious way of repair.

It seems today that the whole world revolves around love and relationships. Everything important in life is supposed to be based around finding 'the one'. Up until 3 months ago, I believed what everyone was saying about how important love is, and I truly believed that everyone deserves to fall in love. I guess it was for this reason that I thought that my cousin and best friend deserved that love too, together. Now I feel as though I should have just let nature run its course, and never interfered.

After 3 years I still can't get over what happened. Every day I wish that I could go back in time and prevent all this from happening. I would do anything it takes to change what happened in the past. You would not believe how unbelievably guilty I feel for ruining the lives of the people that I love most in the world.

But I believe that their story needs to be told. That their love will influence the hearts and minds of people all over the world, and that this is what they deserved. To have their love shown to others, and to have people want to be like them and have an ounce of the love they shared.

We never wanted to lose either of them. We each loved them with everything that we had, but love can't save you. Sometimes love isn't enough, even though we wish it was.

Right now, I'm not strong enough yet to tell you what happened exactly. All I can tell you is that they loved each other. I think for you to fully appreciate just how powerful their love was, I have to start from the beginning.

Bella Swan had been my best friend since before I could remember, we did absolutely everything together. She called us 'kindred-spirits' but I think that was because she loved _Anne of Green Gables_ so much. To me she was always beautiful, with her long chestnut hair, large chocolate colored eyes and flawless pale skin... she could almost have been a supermodel with her beauty, but she never saw what I did.

My brother Edward never saw what I did either, and if he did it would have been news to me. Even from a young age it seemed as though Bella and Edward never got along. It might have had something to do with him pushing her off a swing when we were both 5, but I don't think that one even could cause the hatred between Bells and Edward. Every time they were within close proximity of each other I could feel the tension between them, and let me tell you it was not a pleasant experience.

Their feelings of hatred were intense, but in our group of friends they both ended up being the fifth wheel together. The rest of us paired up just before junior high, leaving Edward and Bella alone with each other.

Since we were all little kids we knew that they were meant to be together. It just took a bit of pushing from the rest of us to make them see it themselves. But eventually when they did finally notice their connection, they were amazing. The rest of us discovered them making out in the closet at a party, we were stoked. Other than seeing them making out, we had no idea what had brought them together, they had still acted like they hated each other up until that party and even for a few weeks after it.

Their relationship started out so perfectly, it was the classical teenage romance that was completely built up of real feelings of love and devotion.

Their love rarely changed; if possible it grew more as time went on. I'm pretty sure that in their last few weeks that their love grew to impossibly strong lengths and that they physically hurt when the other was not around.

Bella was always the quiet one. Sometimes it seemed as though she lived in her own little world. A world filled with the characters from the books that she read and loved.

Edward was much the same, another fact that probably brought them together. For all I know they probably shared their fantasy worlds with each other.

Bella was always a little clumsy and light headed which made Edward much more protective of her. The girl could trip on a clean, flat surface and end up needing stitches. So we always chalked up the bruises that sometimes formed on parts of her body, to her clumsiness.

Occasionally she would get really sick and would have to spend days at home or in a hospital, not coming in contact with anyone or even the outside world.

Over the years she had had hundreds of tests and exams done to figure out why she was always like that – getting sick at the drop of a hat. But she never told us that anything was discovered by the doctors, and we just all let it go.

So it came as a massive shock to us when she informed us that she had an incurable heart defect which was responsible for the sickness and bruising. She also told us that the medication that they had put her on caused her to feel lightheaded all the time, which made her clumsy. She said that the doctors had never encountered anything like this and that the medication they had had her on had now stopped working, she laughed lightly when she told us that they would probably name the heart defect after her and the doctor that had been treating her. That in some ways she would always be a Cullen, just not in the way that she had wanted.

All of us were devastated with the news that our friend could not be cured, and I could see the guilt on everyone's face when we realized that we had been making fun of her clumsiness; the broken bones and cuts that had formed so easily on her small body.

Taking a good look at her I could see how frail she had gotten. She had always been smaller than the rest of us, even me and I was short. She never was able to build up much muscle or fat, and so to outsiders she always looked too skinny and people would tell her to eat something.

The look displayed on Edward's face when she told us all the news, was one of shock and betrayal.

It was obvious that she had not told him of her condition until now. And he looked hurt that she had not told him this information in private; that he had to find out that his beloved girlfriend was dying in front of everyone. That he would discover this heartbreaking news in a forum where his reactions and emotions could be clearly seen and judged by those around him.

As if we were all simultaneously shocked by lightening we all ran to her and wrapped her in our arms, but not too tightly as we didn't want to hurt her in any way. She was fragile, like porcelain, and should be handled with care.

None of us wanted to voice the questions that we were all thinking of. "How much with this change us? How much time do we have left with you? How could you not tell us before now?" But I think that we were all too scared to hear the answer, fearing the further damaging news.

Edward was the only one in our group that hadn't come forward and embraced her in his arms. He was still standing perfectly still on the other end of the room, he hadn't moved from his earlier position. His body was frozen in shock, his jaw was dropped into an "o" shape and a look of anger and confusion was still plain on his face.

His hurt eyes glossy with unshed tears, were still completely focused on hers.

All of a sudden we heard a loud smash and the sound of heavy feet exiting the room, and the slamming of the door behind them. I looked over and confirmed my belief that Edward had been the one to leave so hastily, taking his anger and betrayal with him.

I don't know how long we stood there embracing our fragile friend, but when Esme called up the stairs and informed all of us that dinner was ready we extracted ourselves from Bella so that we could all go down together and hope to enjoy a wonderful meal that might bring our spirits up. But it was unlikely that food to replace the piece of our hearts that we were all now missing after Bella's news.

When we got downstairs Esme took one look at all our sullen faces and nodded slightly in Bella's direction. Of course Esme would know of Bella's condition before we would. Carlisle was Bella's treating physician and Esme was always close with Bella's mum Renee, she probably heard the news from one of them.

I almost felt betrayed myself that my own parents knew about my best friend's incurable condition and they had not told me but I understood that they must have thought that it was Bella's secret to tell.

Dinner was as pleasant as it could be given the circumstances. The conversation lulled at certain points, and Edward never came down stairs to join us. Near the end of dinner Bella excused herself and told us that she was going to go up stairs and talk to Edward. We all prayed that she would help him understand what was really going on. But we didn't know how responsive he would be to her now.

We all held our breath and hoped that she could talk him out of whatever crazy plan he had though up this time. When we heard his door slam we all just assumed that he had slammed the door behind her as she did not come back down stairs.

"Now, would someone like to tell me what exactly she told you all?" My father asked us all suddenly. Our hopeful looks dropped off our faces and we all resisted the urge to cry as we turned to my father.

~*~

**Authors Note:** So, what do you think? Is it worth continuing??

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx **


	2. Important Authors Note Please Read

**Heyy there readers,**

Recently I received an inspiring review for my story "Missing You", asking that I please continue this story soon. Because of this person I have decided to get back into this story, as well as keeping up with my other story "The Dark Inside Me" and possibly continuing my one-shot "Far From Grace" which will be turned into a story of its own and will be called "Falling From Grace."

I understand that this will be a lot for me to take on and I hope that I will be able to keep it up while not falling behind at Tafe.

I do want to make it perfectly clear that I do plan on finishing "The Dark Inside Me" soon, it only has about 9 chapters left (including the epilogue.)

"Missing You" will also soon have a name change as the title isn't really that good. So please give me some ideas as to what it should be. Right now I am thinking of "My Love Lives Forever

This message is just to solidify my posting schedule.

**The Dark Inside Me:** Wednesday's

**Missing You (needs new name):** Saturday's

**Falling From Grace (continuation of Far From Grace):** TBA

I hope that you are all ok with this. If not, please advise me of any changes you wish to make.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	3. Chapter 1: Love Isnt Real

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** I wasn't sure if I was going to continue this story or not, but after some encouraging words from werewolflova I have found the inspiration =P

_To live is the rarest thing; most people only exist._

~*~

Love is forever. Or at least that's what they tell you in story books. Authors spend hundreds of pages in their novels telling their audience that true love does exist and that it can be yours, if only you have the strength and courage to look for it.

Real love isn't having the world end when you look into your beloveds eyes, it isn't having everything slow down when they enter the room and it sure as hell is not believing that you are your partner are so perfect together that you must have been a couple in another life.

If someone was to tell Bella Swan that she was secretly in love with her best friend's brother she would have laughed in their face. Bella never believed in true love or fairytales and her idea for a happily ever after was an ending that resulted in one of the main characters realizing how stupid they were being and breaking off the relationship for good. She had seen the effect that "love" had had on her parents' marriage and she never wanted to see another person put through that sort of pain.

When her best friend Alice to her that she had fallen in love with her neighbor's son Jasper, Bella slapped her in the face and refused to speak to her for a week. Alice had been calm and understood her friend's reaction and at the end of the week when Bella apologized Alice forgave her, no questions asked.

After a few months of a seemingly happy relationship Alice caught Jasper holding another girls hand in their English class, effectively causing Alice to break up with Jasper. After weeks of begging and pleading Alice took Jasper back, as he explained to her that he had been holding the other girls hand because she had been broken up with by her boyfriend of 9 months. Alice forgave Jasper easily understanding that she had misinterpreted the situation, Bella had not been so forgiving and decided then and there that she would never fall in love.

There had always been 6 people in their group; Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Edward and Bella. They had all been friends for what seemed like forever. Emmett and Rosalie had been in a relationship as soon as they learned that their body parts matched up together, that was an awkward experience for the rest of the group since they were all playing footy at the time.

Bella had always just assumed that Rosalie and Emmett's relationship was purely sexual and that eventually the feelings of lust would fade and they would break up. She wasn't to know that their relationship was based on feelings and that their relationship would last, years after she was gone.

Edward was Alice's older brother -by less than 2 minutes- and even though his sister had a strong friendship with Bella, Edward didn't. When they had met at daycare he had first been entranced with the somewhat pudgy brown haired girl; but after an incident in the sandpit in which Edward fell down after struggling with Bella over a bucket, he had never forgiven her.

Over the years they spent most of their time hating each other and finding new ways to embarrass and get the other into trouble. Some of their fights were creative, like the way Bella tied Edward to the schools flagpole with duck tape when they were 15. And others were just plain hilarious, as proven from the way Bella added jelly crystals to the school pool so that Edward wasn't able to practice with the swim team for over a week as they cleaned the gelatinous substance from the filtering system.

Their friends always thought that they would be perfect for each other, but Bella and Edward just scoffed and told their group that they would rather do a list of both disgusting and weird things they would go through before they would go out with each other.

All of their fights and arguments came to a head at Edward's 17th Birthday Party. Alice had organized a huge get together, where most of the school was invited. Alice had entrusted each of her friends a job to do for the party, giving Bella the most important job hoping that her involvement would bring her closer to Edward.

Alice instructed Bella on the exact specifications that she wanted Edward's cake to be like. The end result was a 2 layer chocolate cake with blue and white icing framed around a recreation picture of a photo of Edward that had been taken on his first birthday. Alice had hoped that Bella wouldn't be low or bitchy enough to mess with Edward's birthday cake which had taken the bakers over 3 hours to finish exactly to Alice's specifications, she was wrong.

The morning that Bella was supposed to pick up Edward's cake she got into a fight with him over what she had worn to school the previous day, apparently ratty jeans and a band t-shit was not good enough, he had yelled at her that if she chose to dress like a hobo that she might as well not even show up at his party. It was then that Bella decided that she had to get even with him; the cake was just a convenient way to do so.

Bella picked up the cake, no problems, and drove to the nearest party store to purchase the candles. After browsing the store for a good 5 minutes, not wanting to wait too long so that cake wouldn't melt in her ancient car, she asked the store clerk if they stocked any joke candles, preferably ones that liked to explode. The clerk took one look at the beautiful girl in front of him and quickly showed her the cheapest and most effective joke candles they stocked. Once satisfied with her purchase Bella took the cake back to Alice and Edward's house, hiding the joke candles in her back pack so that no one would see them. They looked just like normal candles on the outside and Bella had decided to plant the fake candles on the cake just minutes before Alice was going to bring the cake out.

Bella got dressed in Alice's room, wearing the clothes that Alice had set out for her. The designer jeans and sparkly blue t-shirt probably cost more money than Bella's entire wardrobe but since they technically belonged to Rosalie, she had no problem borrowing them for a day.

Secretly Edward liked what Bella wore to his party, but he would never tell her that. Instead he just made more jokes about her clothes making her want to hit him more than once. His presents were all piled on a table near the food, there were more there than he could count, and even more people than presents. He had always seemed like a popular jock that was good at everything, but inside he was a private person and only really cared about the people in his select group of friends.

He did care about Bella, probably more than the others, but he never wanted her to know. So he acted like he was in the second grade; teased her mercilessly and playing hilarious pranks on her that made her angrier at him. He decided that he would rather have her hate him, than not care about him at all.

His party was a huge success, almost the entire school had showed up and apparently even more people were on their way. The house would be a mess by the time everyone left, but he knew that his parents cleaning service could get rid of the rubbish before the end of school the next day so he allowed the teenagers to leave their empty cups all over the floor, also knowing that he could beat the crap out of anyone who left a stain on his mother's $100 per meter carpet.

He had been drinking all night and knew that by the time Alice brought out his cake, he probably would only be able to eat the product for breakfast the next morning. In typical Alice fashion the top of the cake held an edible picture of himself at a young age, with a blue and white icing border.

He smiled to himself as he noticed the pink candles on top of the cake, wondered why his normally perfect sister would allow pink candles on top of a cake with blue and white icing. He pushed the thought from his mind as the party goers drunkenly sang the remaining lines of "Happy Birthday to you". He stood the required 30 centimeters from the cake and took in a deep breath, preparing to blow out all the candles in one breath, hoping that he wouldn't have to kiss the nearest girl for not blowing out all the candles.

He closed his eyes and puckered his lips together and pushed the air from his lungs, aiming the breath at his candles not expecting what would happen when he did. Once the breath was gone from his lungs his eyes opened to the sounds of his party goers laughing at him. He realized that in all his effort he had been unable to blow out any of the tiny pink candles.

In his frustration he didn't see the smug look on Bella's face as he fruitlessly tried time and time again to blow out the candles on his cake, with no success. After 2 minutes of blowing, Alice pulled the cake away from a drunk and breathless Edward, carrying the large cake into the kitchen and pulling off the candles that had still refused to go out.

Alice plucked the joke candles off the cake and tossed them into the sink in a tub of water, effectively extinguishing the flame. She cut have the cake into pieces and had Bella, Rose and Emmett bring out the pieces to the guests, who were still laughing at Edward candle failure, Bella included.

"You did it!" Edward exclaimed as he grabbed hold of Bella's arm that was shaking with her laughter.

"I have no idea what you mean," Bella responded smugly, trying to pull her arm away from him.

"Only you would be enough of a bitch to put joke candles on my birthday cake." He told her, clutching her arm tighter in his hand.

"Let go Edward." She said forcefully, still trying to pull her arm away from him.

"I will let you go as soon as you admit it," he growled at her.

Their fighting had no gained the attention of the people in the room, who were now looking from Bella to Edward, trying to figure out which one was going to with this argument.

"No."

"Do. It." His voice was getting louder, even his sister could hear fight from the kitchen.

Suddenly Bella stopped glaring at him and her eyes lit up. He was about to ask her what the hell her problem was, but was stopped in his tracks when her face started getting closer to his.

"Eddie," she purred at him, knowing full well that he hated that nickname.

"Yes," he said breathlessly, licking his lips as her face got closer to hers.

"It was me," she said gleefully, pulling her face away from his and shoving the piece of cake that was in her napkin straight into his face, smothering his face with icing and bits of his birthday treat.

His grip had loosened on her arm enough for her to pull away, as she ran towards the kitchen, not waiting around to see what Edward would do when he figured out what was going on.

When Edward finally came back to the present he was furious. Quickly swiping his face clean with the sleeve of his shirt, he stomped his way to the kitchen preparing to kill Bella Swan who was currently hiding behind his sister as if nothing had happened.

"How the hell could you do that to me?" He yelled furiously at her, causing Alice to jump at the tone of his voice.

"Oh get over it Cullen. You deserved it. Now you're the one with horrible clothes, I don't think that blue icing will come out easily." She said giggling as Alice placed two new pieces of cake in her hands.

Alice had felt that Edward deserved whatever he got from Bella, they were both just as bad as each other. Their fighting over the years had gotten worse and worse, and this little episode was no different than the time when Bella had accidentally tipped coffee down her shirt and Edward had pointed out her braless nipples to the closest freshmen. Being a senior never sucked more for Bella.

"Anyways, I'm gonna hand out these pieces of cake then I'm going home. See you tomorrow Ali." Bella called as she made her way out the door.

"Bye Bells," she called back as Edward turned to the girl who had ruined his party mood.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" He called as she made her way to the door.

"Home Eddie, you're staying here like a good doggy, and tomorrow I might even give you a cookie." She called in response as she picked up her backpack and skipped out the door and into her car.

"I'll get her back." He murmured to no one as he watched her rusty car exit his parent's driveway, preparing in his mind the next plan of attack and when he could get her back. She would pay. He would make sure of it.

His plan began to unravel later that night while he was taking a long hot shower, washing the remnants of his birthday cake out of his hair. Jessica's party at the end of the week was going to be fun.

~*~

**Authors Note:** So this story will not be as long as "The Dark Inside Me." It will only be 20 chapters, including the epilogue. I worked on that today and it made me cry, prepare yourselves people.

Please review and tell me what you think, I will lovingly give you a sneak peek at the next chapter… You know you want to =P

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	4. Chapter 2: Party Favors

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** I have most of this story figured out; I just need help with the heart defect problems as I know nothing about them so I will have to do some research.

Please don't hate me for what's about to happen. I know that it is early in the story, but you gotta learn to trust me =P

_****Lemon Warning****_

_Don't judge a book by its cover or a person by their scars._

~*~

If anyone was to ask Bella Swan what her life would be like in 20 years her gaze would fall to the floor and she would find some pathetic excuse not to answer the question. She never wanted to admit to the world what was going on in her life; she didn't think they needed to know. So everyone was kept in the dark and she hoped that her friends would never find out the truth, because if they did, she would have a lot of explaining to do. She would have to explain to everyone what exactly she would be doing in 20 years, and that fact scared her more than she cared to admit.

Jessica Stanly could have been anyone that you have known in your past. The girl that was overlooked when she was younger and spent her teenage years making herself the centre of attention to quell that feeling inside her that made her believe that she wasn't good enough and that once people got to know the real her, they would reject her, just like they did when she was younger.

So she made herself popular the only way she knew how. Parties. Her parents owned their own party planning company and specialized in large and extravagant gatherings that were talked about for weeks after the cleanup crew got rid of the remains. So when Lauren Mallory begged Jessica to throw the summer break she had no other choice but to say yes.

It took the movers under 3 days to clear out all the good furniture out of her parent's house and into a storage locker down town, pressing the remaining against the walls to create a dance floor in the middle of her parents lounge room. Except for the freshmen, the entire student population was invited to what would be the biggest party of the year. Each teenager begged their parents for the money to purchase the newest and most expensive clothing money could buy so they would look their best.

While the rest of the student body were buzzing with excitement Bella Swan was thinking about something completely different, and it had nothing to do with the latest fashion trends that floated through the high class malls in Seattle. She was worried about the payback she was going to receive from her best friend's brother, Edward Cullen.

She had embarrassed and humiliated him in front of a room filled with his family, friends and school peers. Their relationship had always been a rocky one, and now that she had thrown yet another grenade in their war his way, she knew that he had no choice but to return the favor and it wouldn't be pleasant.

"Ok, so someone needs to tell me why everyone thinks that orange is such a flattering color because they are so wrong. I look like an escaped convict." Came the call of her best friend as she peeked her head out from behind the dressing room door, who was currently trying on yet another outfit that centered around the color orange. Apparently Alice had heard that orange was gaining some attention over in Paris and she needed to have a t-shit that looked just like the size 0 model that Jasper has whistled at on the TV earlier that morning.

Bella's outfit had already been purchased from the nearest target earlier that morning and was now sitting in an environmentally friendly plastic bag at her feet while she impatiently waited for her best friend to hurry up and choose and outfit so that she could get something to eat.

"10 minutes, Alice. 10 minutes and I am walking to the nearest McDonalds for some fries and a coke, I don't care about the color orange." Bella called, returning her attention to her freshly manicured nails that were already developing chips in the polish from Bella's incessant attacks of impatience.

"One more outfit, I promise." Her friend begged as she struggled to pull on the last outfit that she had found on the coat rack.

"Well, what do you think?" Alice asked as she stepped out of the dressing room, twirling for her friend.

"I think that if you don't buy that outfit I will have to buy it for you." Bella called as she threw her arms around her friend.

"Good, because I am starting to resent the color orange," she giggled as she stepped back into the tiny room to put her own clothes back on.

The rest of the day passed fairly quickly for the pair. Bella was able to convince Alice that she already had a pair of shoes at home that would go with her outfit as she shoveled French fries into her mouth in a very unladylike manner.

By 8 o'clock that night both girls were falling into Alice's queen size bed, completely worn out from the long day they had had, and completely overjoyed at the fun they were planning on having the next day at Jessica Stanley's party.

~*~

When Bella woke up the next morning Edward was already gone, his used coffee cup was left unwashed in the sink along with his plate and cutlery. Bella made breakfast for the rest of the family before bringing two plates of eggs and bacon and two cups of coffee upstairs to Alice's room to wake the sleeping pixie, who was usually the last thing from a morning person.

After a few pokes in the stomach her best friend woke up and with lightning fast reflexes stole one of the coffee cups from Bella's hands, and drank the warm liquid greedily. Everyone always chalked Alice's exuberance as too much energy, but really it was her addiction to caffeine that made her the bubbly pixie hyperactivity. Bella had once made the mistake of using decaf in Alice's coffee and she went ballistic.

Jasper came over around midday to hang out with his girlfriend and play X-box with Edward, who still had yet to talk to Bella since the incident at his birthday. She didn't know that he kept his cake covered shirt in a plastic suit holder in his closet, preparing to bring it back up to use it against her in the future.

The afternoon slipped by easily. Bella was in the kitchen helping Esme make brownies and Alice was up in her room doing god knows what with her boyfriend. Edward have left hours ago, apparently he was getting dressed for Jessica's party at Emmett's parents house, planning on meeting up with the rest of the group later that night.

It didn't take long for Bella to get ready. Throwing on the sequined blue low cut spaghetti strap top and the black skirt she had picked out earlier, and eyeliner and mascara to give her eyes the smoky look. Alice, on the other hand, took over an hour to get ready, wanting to look good for the denizens of Forks.

Jasper picked the girls up at 8pm exactly making sure that the three of them would get there "fashionably late." Alice had dobbed him as the designator for the night if they decide that they want to go home, which would probably happen after an hour of drunken sex crazed dancing.

A part of Bella felt jealous of Alice and Japer as held hands over the centre consol. They had a Notebook style romance in the way that they would fight, but inevitably would always end up making out within the next few minutes. They couldn't stay away from each other for too long.

Emmett's jeep was parted outside the Stanly residences front gate; no one could miss the whopping bright yellow vehicle if they tried. Bella could hear the music's beat before they were even half way up the street and the sounds of laugher and screaming seemed to level with the noise from the music, ensuring that partygoers would either leave drunk or intoxicated.

The music was even louder inside the luxurious house. The walls were painted in shades of white and blue, making visitors feel calm and relaxed as they entered the mansion like house. Jessica's parents were one of the richest families in town, second only to the Cullen's. But unlike the Stanley's, the Cullen's didn't flaunt their wealth in everyone's faces.

Strobe lights flashed in Bella's eyes as she followed Alice and Jasper to the drinks table to mix something that would calm her nerves and ease the headache that was starting to develop. Despite his age, Jasper was a great bartender. He knew exactly what drink a person would like without them having to tell him, shocking the hell out of his peers when he got it right.

Alice was a huge fan of fruity drinks, whereas Bella was easy to please as her favorite drink was a rum and coke. Bella gulped her first drink down easily, smiling to herself as the cool liquid slid down her throat. After another 2 rounds of drinks Alice was able to pull Bella onto the dance floor just as the DJ was about to show a video that one of the student council representatives had made.

"Yo Yo Yo… You guys excited at the end of another semester?!" The DJ screamed into his microphone, turning down the rap music that he had been playing seconds earlier.

"YES!" Came the resounding call from the audience.

"I have a friend up here that made a video for y'all to see, what do ya think?" He yelled, smiling brightly as the crowd of teenagers screamed in response.

The entire crowd's attention was now focused onto the white screen that was unraveling itself on the wall behind the DJ's table, everyone expecting to see clips and pictures of their past few months.

"_Mommy, I don't want to go to anymore, the kids are so mean to me." A little girl's voice cried out through the speakers._

"_Awww baby, don't worry. I'm sure it will get better. We all have bad days." The older woman cooed beside her._

"_Mum, I suck!"_

"_You do not suck!"_

"Oh my God Bella, is that you?" Alice drunkenly called to her best friend who was now standing with her attention focused on the screen in front of her, her mouth hitting the floor.

"You were so cute as a child," she said cheerfully, bumping her tiny shoulder against Bella's.

Bella's focus came back to the current situation as she heard the laughter of the people around her as the little girl and the woman continued to discuss her lack of talent. She pushed her way through the crowd as quickly as she could, trying desperately to get on stage so that she could rip the white projector sheet down from the wall.

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too Bunny."_

Bella finally made her way to the stage and proceeded to rip down the curtain, running through her head the price that it would cost if she were to fling the projector at the wall where the sheet had been hanging.

Bella fought back the tears from her eyes as she noticed a smiling Edward standing in the corner of the room, watching her reaction and clearly resisting the urge to laugh at her humiliation. The DJ turned the music back on to drown out the laughter while Bella stomped over to Edward, standing face to face with him.

"Now we are even, Swan." He chuckled as he took a sip from his cup.

"We are far from even, Cullen." Bella growled in response, still fighting back tears.

"Nah, I think I am cool for now."

"You're really not!" Bella cried as she raised her hand that still had her drink cup in it. Edward's eyes flashed brightly, as if he knew what was just about to happen. Soon enough Bella lashed out and splashed the rest of her drink straight in his face.

"What the hell?!" He yelled as she quickly turned around and bolted up the staircase.

He was furious and now covered in the sticky liquid from her cup. In his rage he ran up the stairs after her, ready to confront her yet again for embarrassing her. As he reached the top of the stairs he saw Bella slide into one of the empty make out rooms just down the hall. He followed her into the bedroom, hearing the sounds of her sobbing into her hands.

"What the hell did you do that for?" He asked her angrily, ignoring the crying sounds she was making. She didn't respond, but just seemed to sob harder into her hands, making him more agitated.

"I know that you get some sick enjoyment from making me look like a dickhead, but can you just cut it out for a while. It's getting kind of old." He flatly told her.

"Go away!" She yelled in response, not really listening to what he was saying.

"Not until you answer me."

"Fine, I'll stop. Are you happy now? Go away!" She cried, turning around to face him.

He took one look at her tear streaked face and the shudder that ran through her voice, and he felt something cold touch his heart. He had never felt anything like this about her before, and the effects that it was having on him were chilling.

"Are… are you ok, Bella?" He asked carefully, not wanting to set her off again.

"Just… Please just go, Edward." She sounded broken and defeated, not wanted to fight with him anymore.

He couldn't understand what he had done this time. All he had done was borrow a "family video" from Charlie's stash in his bedroom. Video's that Edward knew were filled with memories that Bella's mother Renee has recorded when their family was still together.

"Bells…?" His sounded curious, saddened by her expression.

"Why do you always have to do shit like that?" She cried to him, rushing forward and pounding her tiny fists against his chest and pushing him into the wall beside the door.

"Why do I do shit like that?! You fucking started it!" He accused, yelling right back at her.

"And _you_ always have to finish it," her finger poking fiercely into his chest, punctuating each word.

"Don't fucking start with me Swan. You have gotten me back plenty of times," their faces were inches apart and he could feel her breath fanning over his face. He made a mental note that she smelled like a combination of cheep beer and a smell that was entirely her own.

"And _you_ get _me_ back, always." Her body was pressed against him and he was hoping that she couldn't feel how hard he was becoming as her curves pushed into his chest.

"I loathe you!" He sneered.

"I loathe you!" She returned, her eyes glaring fiercely into his.

"No you don't," he whispered softly as he pressed closer to her, smirking to himself as her eyes fluttered closed.

"No?" She questioned as he spun them around, pressing her into the wall where he had just been.

"No." He assured her as he lent forward and pressed his lips to hers.

The kiss between them started out roughly, a battle for dominance as their teeth and tongues clashed against each other. His hands surrounded her and pressed her body further into the wall as he pushed up harder against her, any harder and she wouldn't be able to breathe.

"Hate you," she mumbled as she fisted her hands tightly in his hair.

"Feelings… mutual," he mumbled in return running his hands from her hips, slowly dragging them up her chest to rest just under the cup of her breasts.

"Mmm," she moaned into his mouth, moving her hands from his hair down to his neck and further down to run along the muscles in his back. She was happy that she was able to benefit from all of his swim training.

Their kiss continued as he wrapped his hands around her legs and lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist. He pulled away from the wall and carried her over to the king size dark blue bed in the centre of the room. He flung her onto the mattress and was overwhelmed with joy as she crawled into the centre of the bed of her own volition.

He crawled up the bed to lie beside her, looking into her eyes and asking the question that they both needed the answer to. _Do you really want to do this?_ They had both had quite a bit to drink, having consumed mass quantities of alcohol before and during the party. They would probably both regret this in the morning, but right at this moment as they stared deeply into each other's eyes, they could see that they both wanted this to happen.

She nodded gently and he took that as a sign as he rushed forward and pressed his lips roughly to hers once more. Using his body weight to press her further into the bed he climbed over the top of her, resting his weight on his arms on either side of her head. Their tongues came together and this time there was no battle for dominance, they just came together perfectly.

She grabbed his collar and pulled him closer to her, running her hands down his back and gasping his butt playfully, giggling softly as he gasped at the movement. He brought one of his hands from the mattress and ran his fingers over the curves of her body, paying special attention to her soft breasts.

She gasped as her clutched his hand over her full breast, teasing her pebbled nipple that was hardening through her braless top. Slowly she removed her mouth from his in an effort to breathe, now sucking and kissing over the skin on his neck. He had taken the time to shave this morning, and now she was benefiting from it.

Her hands moved from the back pockets of his jeans to the front, rubbing softly over the sizable bulge in his jeans. He groaned and pressed his face further into her neck, nipping playfully at the patch of skin underneath her ear, causing her to moan in response.

Her fingers began playing with the button and zipper of his pants, loving the way his body reacted each time she came in contact with a sensitive area. Slowly she unzipped his pants and slid her fingers slowly into the opening, making Edward hiss in surprise. His hands that were frozen in their place on her chest now began moving lower, trailing down her flat stomach clutching the bottom of her glittery shirt to pull it up and over her head.

For a moment everything stopped as Edward took the time to look over her now bare chest. Her creamy pale skin glowed in the moonlight, her pink nipples were puckered looked perfect, just the right size for his hands to fit around. Bringing his hand to her chest he began teasing and tempting the tiny rose peak, before bringing his head down and flicked the tip of his tongue over the breast his hand wasn't currently occupying. Even though his curious was gaze directed at her chest, he was so focused on her breasts that he didn't notice the faded pink scar that ran down the centre of her chest, over her heart.

He ran his teeth experimentally over the peak, delighting as she squealed joyfully. Her hand resumed its exploration of the inside of his pants and his silk covered arousal. She clutched the top of his jeans and slowing dragged them down his legs, causing him to groan as there was only a thin layer of silk covering him now. His shirt was thrown to the floor near hers and as she pushed his pants the rest of the way off, his pants soon joined their shirts in the pile on the floor.

Slowly she began stroking him through the silk of his boxers, clutching him in her tiny hands and experimentally running her hand up and down his enclosed shaft. He groaned and forcefully dragged his hands down her body, spreading her legs as he lay in between them, pushing her skirt up so that it surrounded her hips, leaving on her underwear protecting her from him.

He looked into her eyes in a silent question, begging her permission as he fingers ran back and forth over the seams of her panties. She nodded her head slowly as he leaned up and pressed a gentler kiss to her lips. Slowly he pulled down the thin piece of lace that was covering her, leaving her bare in front of him.

He gently spread her lips with his fingers, making sure that she still wanted this, wanted him. He looked into her eyes again as she reached over and pulled the condom from his pants pocket. Breaking the kiss she used her teach to rip open the tiny foil packet, smirking at the label that read "Extra Large."

She pushed her hand into his boxers and shoved them down his legs, his hard length now pressing uncovered between them. Snatching the condom out of her hand he quickly rolled it over his length, rubbing it against her teasingly when it was fully covered.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he pressed another soft but more passionate kiss to her lips as he pressed into her.

She gasped at the feeling and crying out as he broke through her barrier. Their eyes remained connected as he settled himself above her, making sure that she was ok before continuing. She nodded her head slowly as she began kissing the skin around his neck and chin, urging him to continue as she lifted her hips to him.

"Move," she cried as he stayed hesitant above her, looking deeply into her eyes.

Slowly his hips pulled back, almost all the way out making her squeal in desperation, before pushing back in faster and faster. His pace slowly built and a steady rhythm was formed between the two of them. The pain started to dull for her and it became more pleasurable as she lifted her hips to meet his thrusts, soon wrapping her legs around his waist for better leverage.

He moved slightly to the side and began hitting a new spot within her, causing her to cry out in pleasure as he continued to hit the same spot over and over. She was getting closer to release and she could feel that he was too; she brought her nails up and scratched along his back, his hips thrusting up as he hissed in response. It didn't hurt, and if he was admitting it to himself that it felt rather good making the sensations of their lovemaking more powerful.

She pressed a passionate kiss to his lips, sucking his tongue into her mouth and making him groan. She could feel the tension building in her stomach, her orgasm coming quicker as he lowered his hand to her arousal and began rubbing over the more sensitive part of her lips.

She cried out against the feelings that were erupting in her stomach, throwing her head back as the pleasure broke through her barrier, her body tightening around him. He cried out as she bit into his neck, probably biting him so hard that there would still be a mark there tomorrow. His own head flew backwards and his eyes closed tightly as his body stilled above her, his body fluid spurting out of him and into the latex casing inside her. His body slumped forward as he crushed her beneath him.

She would never admit to him that she liked the feel of his weight on her. After what they had just been though together it felt right somehow. She knew that they would probably regret what they had done in the morning, but as he pulled out of her and threw the used condom into the trash she knew that right now it was ok.

He rolled to her side, his arms wrapping around her body as he pulled her to him, laying her head on his chest and listening to the steady sounds of his heartbeat. She closed her eyes softly, sighing contently as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and falling asleep soundly beneath her.

~*~

**Authors Note:** Like I said. I hope you guys trust me enough to know what I am doing. I know that it is early in the story for that to be happening already, but there are reasons behind my madness. Trust me.

Review and tell me what you think and I will give you a fabulous sneak peek at the next chapter.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	5. Title Change PLEASE READ

Heyy Readers,

I feel really stupid doing this AGAIN. But I was listening to the radio the other day and the song Never Say Never by The Fray came on and I just thought that that title would be perfect. So I think that I am going to change the title again. "My Love Lives Forever" is pissing me off.

If you guys are really highly opposed to the change say so please, so I know if I should change it or not. Please help!!

Much Love,

AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf

xx


	6. Chapter 3: The Hardest Word

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note: **I really hope that you guys like this chapter. It was kind of fun for me to write so I hope you like it too.

_There is no reason for love. It just is. And when it's there, it endures, even when it shouldn't. Even when you try to make it go away. It's hard to make it die. I've learned it's also unnecessary--and unwise. It only lessens you for it. So you accept it. You lock it away. You let it stay. You don't deliberately kill love. You just don't act on it._

~*~

Of all the people in Bella Swan's life, Marie Swan has been the most influential. To Bella, she was the one person who she could always count on to be there for her. She was there on her first day of primary school. She was there when she fell out of her tree house and broke her arm. And she was there on Bella's first day of ballet.

Bella's mother had decided that ballet classes would help her daughters balance problems and her daughter, wanting to do anything to make her mother happy, allowed her mother to push her through the studio's door in a bright pink leotard and fairy skirt that her mother had made for her the night before.

Even thought her mother had just pushed her through the door, her grandmother stayed and watched her for the entire rehearsal. She was there for her granddaughter when she fell on her face in front of the whole class, and as her daughter cried in embarrassment, Marie was there to wipe Bella's tears and take her for ice-cream.

The ballet coach was so moved by the relationship between Bella and her grandmother that she ran and got her video camera, immortalizing their moment together forever. And even though Bella did not continue ballet classes her teacher showed up at Bella's house a few weeks after her grandmother's funeral and gave her the newspaper wrapped video, causing Bella to break down in tears once again.

Her grandmother had been one of the most beautiful women Bella had even seen back in her day, but had unfortunately passed away from the same condition that Bella was now suffering from. She just happened to be luckier in the sense that she lived as long as she did, keeping strong and staying alive up until her 65th birthday.

So when Bella woke up in a strange bed the morning after Jessica's party, Bella had to question how exactly she had gotten there. Her memories of the night before were fuzzy and unclear. She had brief flashes of the alcohol that she had consumed as well as the sounds of peoples laughter was still ringing in her ears and the video that the ballet teacher had recorded playing on a large screen to embarrass and sadden her.

She tried to sit up in the bed but soon found that her body was being held down by something warm and hard covering her torso. Her gaze shifted to the lump beside her and she inhaled a deep breath when she realized that the thing across her chest was in fact an arm. She heard the soft sounds of breathing coming from beside her but when she went to check to see who the arm belonged to she was disappointed to discover that the arm was hiding the persons face from view, her only hint was the mop of messy bronze hair poking out from used the covers.

_Shit!_ In a rush all her memories of the night before came back to her. The video, her and Edward fighting, the fighting turning passionate until finally they had both lost their clothes and he had taken her virginity. Her eyes glazed over and she felt a rush of nausea come over her, making her crumple her hands to her stomach in pain, clutching the blankets to her naked torso.

Her eyes surveyed the room cautiously, trying to locate her clothes that were spread throughout the room. Her skirt was the closest item of her clothing, her shoes falling only a meter from the ensuite bathroom door. She smiled softly when she noticed that her panties had found their way above the lampshade in the corner of the room, as her top was hung unceremoniously on the door handle which led to the outside world.

Her mind was a jumbled mess and she didn't want to stick around for the awkward 'morning after' discussion. Carefully she pried her body from Edward's warm embrace, sliding out of bed and reaching out her toes to skillfully to pick up her skirt with her flanges. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment as she pulled her clothes back onto her body, praying to any god that would listen that Edward wouldn't wake up while she was in the process. She pulled on the remaining ties of what was left of her top, now feeling naked as the flesh of her breasts brushed against the rough material of the sequined top.

She pulled on her skirt and slipped soundlessly from the room, shutting the door softly behind her. Bella made her way downstairs in search of Jasper and Alice, not knowing whether they had gone home or not. She was surprised to find them asleep on top of Jessica's kitchen table, surrounded by soggy chips and unusual colored beer.

Her friends woke up after 5 minutes of Bella poking and prodding them continuously. She offered to drive home since she was the most awake out of the three. Jasper murmured something about wanting strawberry flavored pop tarts for breakfast, but the idea was put on hold when his girlfriends face sickeningly flushed green.

Bella took Jasper and Alice back to the Cullen's house, deciding that she wanted to walk home, needing to clear her head. She hugged her friends, who looked like they were about to pass out in the hallway, and made her way home, carrying her shoes and purse in hands.

Bella had chosen not to tell Alice about Edward, not really knowing what to say. On her walk home she thought about everything that had happened between them over the last few years. They fought continuously and had almost come to blows on more than one occasion, but Bella had no idea what to feel about the night before.

She had never wanted a relationship with anyone, knowing that any relationship she had would never end well. Her friends may be happy with being with their "life partners" at the ripe old age of 18, but she didn't want that. She was happy to just be friends with guys and not have to worry about looking after them when they turned into sappy babies in need of a mother figure.

Bella got home hours later, her legs almost completely covered in mud. Since Charlie and Renee were both already at work Bella had no one to do her walk of shame for but instead climbed the stairs slowly and trudged her way into the bathroom to clean up. The hot water felt welcoming on her exhausted body, easing the tension between her shoulder blades under the hot spray.

Her shower last longer than normal as she washed every inch of her body with her vanilla scented body wash. After washing her hair twice she turned off the water and wrapped a fluffy towel around her body, feeling as good as knew. But as she made her way over to the sink to wash her hair she gasped at her reflection.

It seemed that her shower had only served to wash the dirt from her body, nothing much else. Across her neck were dark purple bruises and teeth marks, and her hips and legs were covered in smatterings of purple bruises in the shape of fingers.

Her face was red in embarrassment as she realized the extent of bruises that Edward had left across her body. She knew that she skin bruised easily but it had never looked this bad before, not even when she had fallen out of a tree at the age of 7 and broken her arm. Bella sighed as she realized that she would be wearing nothing but turtle neck shirts and long jeans for the rest of the summer break.

Bella quickly fled to her room and covered every visible mirror in sight with towels, not wanting to look at the marks Edward produced any longer. She knew that he would probably feel bad if he saw what he had done, and that her friends and parents would probably kill him so hiding them with makeup and clothes was her only option.

After dressing herself in clothes that covered most of the marks she made her way into the back of her closet, sitting on the floor beside a large size mahogany box that had a tiny childlike lock to keep the contents safe. She pulled out her key and unlatched the lock, opening to box to inspect the contents.

There she pulled out the jumper that lay on top. The pink woolen material was a present that was given to her as a birthday present a few years ago. She had taken the material grudgingly, not really comfortable accepting gifts from people, but she didn't want to offend the person who gave it to her. Under the material was a half finished pink dress, whose material matched the previous patch. Her fingers brushed over the fabric as soft tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

The tree that stood up against her window brushed its branches against the glass, startling Bella. She quickly placed the material back in the box and locked it once more. After placing everything back to its original place, now hiding the boxes location, she made her way back into the centre of her bedroom surveying the room under her careful gaze.

Her trial outfits from the night before littering the floor, making her room appear messy and unorganized. Her bed was freshly made with the purple comforter her father had picked out for her last Christmas. Her school books stacked high on her desk, crowding around her computer that was probably almost as old as she was.

Looking out the window she could see that the wind was blowing heavily outside, and she made a mental note to trim the tree branches when the weather was better, she didn't need to have the daylights scared out of her each time the overgrown branches knock against the glass of the window.

Her eyelids felt heavy and she felt lethargic from the small amount of sleep that she had undertaken last night. She slumped over to her childhood bed, snuggling under the warm blankets. Her eyes fluttered shut as her body relaxed completely into the mattress. Her last thought was of Edward and what he was doing at that moment, but the thought only lingered momentarily as her breathing deepened and she fell asleep.

~*~

_My neck hurts._ Was the first thought that floated through Edwards head as he began to wake up. Her body was twisted uncomfortably in a thin sheet and he could feel his morning hardness brush up against something smooth and cold, making him shiver.

His eyes felt heavy and he could feel a light shining brightly onto his face. His memories of the night before were sluggish, much like his movements, and his reason for sleeping in this uncomfortable bed was unknown. His eyes peeled open uncomfortably and surveyed the room, resting on the sleeping form of a woman beside him.

All he could see was mattered brown hair that looked like it had been in a ponytail at some point. Using his arms he pushed himself up into a sitting position so that he could get a closer look at his companion, hoping to God that he hadn't had sex with some random.

He internally berated himself when he realized his state of undress; this did not look good for him. The girl beside him seemed to sense his presence and turned her sleeping body towards him. He was shocked to see the sleeping face of the youngest Stanly, Jessica. Her face had previously been covered in makeup but he noticed that most of it had rubbed off onto the pillow she was resting on, it would seem that her eye liner had remained on her face, now smudged around her eyes making her look like a hairless panda.

He let out a sigh of relief when he noticed that she was still fully clothed in her party wear from the night before, but was confused further as to why he was the one without pants. He felt like an idiot as he remembered how many drinks he had consumed the night before, taking the guess to around 8 or 9 drinks of straight liquor. No wonder his head felt like it had been hit by a bus.

Looking around the room he noticed that he shirt was the closest article of clothing he could reach, he pants only a meter from his shirt, yet the location of his boxers remained a mystery. His attention was drawn to the bed as he noticed a small silver phone was the item the brushed up against him earlier.

He had assumed that his morning wood would still be poking its way into the air like it did most mornings, but smirked to himself as he realized that looking at Jessica's sleeping face and the cold air of the room had made his not so little problem go down.

Clutching the silver phone in his hand he got out of Jessica's bed, quickly dressing himself in his shirt and jeans from the night before. He considered looking for his boxers but saw that Jessica seemed to be waking up and made his quick getaway.

He rushed out the front door to the Stanley's house and breathed a sigh of relief that his car was sitting untouched in the driveway. He was glad that his car had escaped the treatment that most of the other cars had not escaped, knowing that he would have seriously injured someone if his car had silly string and eggs on the hood.

On his way home he took a detour through Forks to drive past the Swan's house, not knowing if Bella was home or not. _Bella._ His memories of the night before came rushing back to him as he pulled up in front of her house. The video he had stolen from Charlie's collection, Bella's very public reaction to said video and the very passionate fight that took place up stairs in the very same bed he had woken up naked in.

He quickly shut off the car's engine and pushed open the door forcefully, too wrapped up in his thoughts to do so carefully. He practically ran to the front door of Bella's house and knocked lightly on the door. His impatience was a flaw and after waiting only 30 seconds he pushed the door open and made his way inside, thankful that no one locked their doors in Forks.

A quick survey of the room told him that Bella was not downstairs and that it was more likely that she was upstairs sleeping off the effects from the night before. He hastily made his way up the stairs and pushed his way into Bella's room. His body froze in the doorway, shocked at the sight in front of him.

There in the centre of her room was Bella, wrapped tightly into herself under the purple blankets of her bed. She looked so small and helpless in this position, looking more like a helpless baby than the teenager that had taken his virginity. Despite the warm day outside she was wearing a long sleeve turtle neck shirt, confusing him somewhat.

Carefully he made his way over to her, sitting softly on the edge of her bed, being careful not to disturb her. Her eyelids were squeezed tightly together and her eyebrows were pulled together in a frown. He wanted to reach out and smooth out her worry lines, wanting to comfort her in some way.

He had never felt like this before, this powerful need to help someone other than himself. He wanted to shake her awake and tell her everything that he was feeling and how sorry he was for the way he had treated her over the years. He wanted to apologize for the way he took her last night and for making her cry. He wanted to do so many things for her but he held back. It was too early for anything like that and she probably won't appreciate it.

He had spent almost his entire life fighting with her and he didn't want to fight anymore. He didn't love her, not yet. But he felt… something.

Slowly he brought his hand up to her face and brushed the tips of his fingers against her soft cheek, making sure not to disrupt her. Leaning down he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, watching in amazement as she sighed at his touch.

As carefully as possible he stood up and backed away from her, knowing that if he woke her up she would probably hit him for watching her sleep. He fled the room and ran out of the house almost as fast as he had run into it.

All these thoughts and feelings were new to him and he didn't know what to do about it. He could only think of one way to escape the way he was feeling and he needed to get there soon. He needed release and he knew just where to get it.

~*~

Something soft brushed against Bella's cheek as something slightly cool pressed to her forehead, waking her from her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open as he saw a dash of color fly out the door. She was too tired to follow the object but just remained under the covers staring at the spot where the object disappeared to.

Bella stayed in bed long after waking up, not willing to get out of the comfort of her own bed. It was easier for her to think about everything when she was tented under her blankets. Most of her important life decisions were made under her blankets; like her decision to kiss Justin Walsh in the 6th grade.

Usually after spending a few hours under her safety blankets she would go and talk with Alice about whatever she was worried about, but she couldn't this time. She couldn't go to her best friend and tell her that she slept with her brother in a fit of drunkenness and anger; it just felt wrong.

Bella only had one other female friend, but she knew what Rose would say in this situation. _"Fuck him again and see what happens."_ She had given Alice similar advice a few years earlier after she had sex with Jasper for the first time, and that wasn't the kind of advice that she was looking for. But she wanted to talk to someone, and her mother was definitely not the one to talk to either.

2 hours and 4 wardrobe changes later Bella was standing out the front of Rosalie and Jaspers house. Hesitantly she pressed her fingers to the doorbell, praying that Rosalie was home and that Jasper didn't answer. She closed her eyes and waited for her fate, opening them to find the soft face of Colleen looking at her curiously. Colleen Hale was Jasper and Rosalie's mother and was Bella's second favorite mother after her own.

"Can I help you dear?" She asked kindly, her eyes looking at her lovingly.

"Is Rose home?" Bella blurted, not wanting to have this somewhat embarrassing conversation with Rosalie's mother.

"No dear, she is over at Emmett's house. I'm sorry. Can I help?" Colleen asked now stepping out of her house to wrap her arms around the girl she thought of as her own daughter.

"I just needed someone to talk to," Bella said softly, returning the embrace.

"You can talk to me. Here, let me make you some tea."

Colleen ushered Bella into her house without even waiting for an answer, already headed to the kitchen to put on the kettle and in search of cookies. Bella sat down somewhat uncomfortably at Colleen's kitchen table, even though over the years she had spent some time around it with her family and friends.

"So what's up?" Colleen asked, placing a fresh cup of tea and two chocolate biscuits in front of Bella.

"I kissed Edward," she blurted, hoping that kissing who get the same response as fucking.

"Bella," Colleen scolded, "Rosalie is my daughter, and she can be fairly loud. If you slept with Edward you can tell me, I won't judge." Bella's cheeks flamed red in embarrassment as she hid her face in her hands.

"It was at the party last night," Bella whispered, her voice muffled by her hands.

"Are you ok?" Colleen asked as she pried Bella's hands away from her face and smiling at her softly.

"Yeah, I guess. I just don't really… know how to feel about it?" It came out more like a question than an answer.

"Do you have feelings for Edward?" Another question which made Bella's blush deepen.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"A few years ago Rosalie came to me and told me that she had a problem. That a young man had told her that he loved her and that he had done so while they were swimming at a friend's house. I'm not stupid Bella and I knew that she was talking about Emmett, and I really doubt that they were 'swimming' at the time, but gave her some advice, and now I'm going to give it to you. Trust your heart, Bella. I know that to you that probably sound cheesy and 'lame' but it's true. You need to be strong Bella. Everyone has always thought that you and Edward would get together someday, but you have to make that decision for yourself.

"Don't let others rule your life. Figure out what you want and go for it. The sex you had with him doesn't have to mean _everything_, but it does mean something. You just have to decide what that is."

Tears welled up in Bella's eyes as she looked at Colleen, launching herself into the older woman's arms. Colleen held Bella until her tears dried up. The woman then led Bella to her room where to Bella's utter mortification she handed her a small tube of foundation.

Colleen gave Bella another hug at the door as they said goodbye. Her head was full of information but she now knew what she wanted to do. She just had one stop to make first.

~*~

**Authors Note:** So this was the morning after, I hope you liked it. I don't know why but this story is currently easier to write than The Dark Inside Me, and that is freaking me out.

I thought that you guys might be happy to see the way each person handled "the morning after" and isn't it cute that they were each other's firsts. Colleen, is based on my best friend's mother who is more like a mother to me than my own =P

So you know the drill, please tell me what you thought and I will get you a sneak peek at what's coming next. You don't want to miss out, trust me. Also, yes, I know that I am mean for ending it there. HA HA. You still love me, right??

What do you think of the new story title??

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	7. Chapter 4: The Begining

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note: **Here is another fabulous chapter. I hope you like it =P

I am so sorry that I did not update earlier, FanFiction was being really annoying and not letting me update… Grrrrrr.

_One day I just decided it would be better to bleed from cuts of love than to live without any scars_

~*~

_Shit!_ Bella screamed internally as she stubbed her toe for the second time in less than 5 minutes. She had never been an expert at climbing trees, but she never thought that she was this bad. So far she had ripped the bottom of her shirt on a pointy branch, got a mixture of leaves and dirt in her hair by falling and had now stubbed her toe twice.

Originally she had thought that this was a good idea, but now she wasn't too sure. Her face was flushed and she was sweating in her woolen turtleneck. She was only half way up and already she was tired, hurting herself really took it out of her. After more perseverance and 4 fights with even sharper branches she finally made her way to Edward's balcony.

She was surprised that Edward didn't wake up with the thump her body made as she landed on the balcony. The door was always unlocked, smart people would not be stupid enough to scale the tree just to make their way into his room, though it was possible that countless stupid girls have tried.

Stumbling her way into his room she froze in shock as she looked at his bed. She had always known that Edward was attractive, countless swim girl fans could tell you that, but looking at him, topless and bathed in moonlight made his skin almost sparkle. The soft hairs on his chest reflected in the moonlight, giving his skin a shimmering glow.

His skin was pale from all the time he spent in doors, but in the light from the moon he looked beautiful. Slowly she silently made her way over to him, trying her hardest not to disturb him in his peaceful state.

Without thinking about it her hand reached him as she sat softly on his bed, beside his sleeping form. She wanted to brush her fingers across his cheek, and her hand reached out to do so but was caught. Suddenly a pale hand flung out in the moon light and caught her wrist, making her heart beat faster in her chest.

"What do you think you're doing?" A gruff voice asked, husky from sleep.

"I… I" She was lost for words and had no idea what to say. Before she had pulled up in his driveway she has a whole speech prepared on what she was going to say, but in this moment she couldn't remember a word of it.

"Why are you here Bella?" He asked again, his green eyes blazing in the moonlight.

"I just wanted to get the tape you stole from my father the other day," she said stubbornly, trying to cover for her lack of response.

"I already put it back and you know it. What are you doing here Bella?" Her breathing got heavier as she struggled to come up with an answer.

"I wanted to talk to you," she whispered softly, her gaze now focused solely on the thin sheet that was covered his bare torso.

"What about?" He smirked, knowing full well what she was talking about but just wanting to tease her about it.

"About… us?" It sounded more like a question than an answer but she didn't know what else to say. He was tricking her and she knew it and that thought made her start to get angry.

"What are you referring to Bella?" He said in a tone that made her want to slap his smirk right off his stupid face.

"Dammit Edward, be serious. You know _exactly_ what I am talking about." She hissed at him, not wanting to alert the rest of the house to her presence.

"Oh, you mean the sex." He said, grinning smugly at her.

"I'm two seconds away from making sure you _never_ have kids." She told him angrily, glaring at him.

"Fine. Talk." He said grudgingly, not wanting to finish his game but wanting to keep her with him as long as possible.

"So… What are your thoughts about what we did the other night?" She asked, her nerves returning with a vengeance.

"Sex is sex, Bella." He laughed at her.

Her face flushed red in anger as she stood up hastily and tried to pull her hands from his grasp. She knew that coming here was a big mistake and that she should have never thought that Edward had more depth to him than a coy pond.

"Just wait, Bella. I was just joking with you." The smile left his face as she tugged at her hands but he held on tighter, not wanting to let her go.

"It's not funny Edward." She growled, still trying to pull her hands from him.

"I'm sorry Bells." He told her, pulled her down so that she was practically sitting on top of him.

"I didn't mean it." He whispered, capturing both her hands in one of his so that he could brush his free hand against her cheek.

Her eyes filled with tears as his hand stroked her cheek lovingly. She wanted to close her eyes and just shut him out, but she couldn't. He pulled her further against him so that her whole weight was resting on his lap, her head resting lightly on his shoulder.

"What do _you_ think about what happened between us the other night?" He asked her softly, trying to find his answer in the depth of her eyes, but they were swirling with so many emotions that he couldn't keep up.

"I don't know… That's why I wanted to ask you." She whispered into his shoulder.

"Have you… Have you ever done anything like that before?" He asked hesitantly, trying not to startle her.

"I kissed Justin Walsh in the 6th grade." She said nervously, as he struggled to hide he jealousy at her kissing another guy, making a mental note to question Justin about it the next time he saw him.

"That's not what I meant Bella, and you know it." He scolded softly.

"You're my first." She confirmed, burying her head deeper into his shoulder.

"Are you… Are you okay?" He asked, turning her face towards him by her cheek.

"Yeah, I guess. You?"

"I've never kissed Justin, Bella."

"Ha ha," she responded dryly. "I meant have you ever done anything like that before."

"I got to second base with Lauren when we were 15."

"Eww. Did you get tested?" She responded jokingly.

"Yes." He said, trying very hard to contain his laughter.

"And?"

"It was over clothing, Bella. I didn't catch anything." He growled, wishing that her shoulder was closer so that he had a place to bury his head like an ostrich.

"Did I… Did it hurt?" He asked smiling softly as her face flushed a light pink.

"Not really. I don't think." She said smiling back at him.

"I've always liked you Bella. Even when we were fighting I still wanted you." He whispered softly, cupping her cheek in his palm.

"Then why all the tricks?"

"I guess I was just scared. I was afraid that you would think it was another trick. But it isn't."

Her eyes glistened and filled with tears, threatening to escape.

"Please don't cry, Bells." He begged brushing his thumb over the tips of her cheeks whipping away the fallen tears.

"Sorry." She mumbled as he released her hands. Her hands clutched at his shoulders making him thankful that her nails weren't long enough to pierce his skin.

He leant forward and pressed his lips to her forehead gently, gauging her reaction. Once making sure that she didn't seemed startled and wasn't about to run away he leant forward again and pressed his lips to her salty cheeks one at a time.

Slowly her head moved up towards his lips as he leant down and kissed her. Their kiss was soft and loving, not as passionate as their kisses at the party but was still filled with emotion. Slowly he flicked his tongue against her lips as she opened her mouth to him. He tongue flicked out to meet hers and they came together perfectly. She swirled around in his lap to straddle him, pressing her soft curves against his body.

She gasped and broke away to breathe, but not wanting to lose contact with her skin he continued laying soft kisses over the silky skin of her neck that wasn't covered by her turtle neck. His hand came up to move the barrier and he gasped at what he saw.

The bruises that lay over her neck showed him that he _had_ hurt her, and that she had been lying earlier. His hand came up and traced the bruises and tears filled both their eyes. "God Bella, I am so sorry." He whispered softly, still brushing his fingers against her marks.

"I can't do this." She cried, pulling back from him.

"What do you mean Bella? I didn't mean to hurt you." He said, trying unsuccessfully to wrap his arms around her.

"I can't love you Edward. I am so sorry." She whimpered, slowly backing away from him and his bed.

"I didn't mean to bruise you Bella. You have to believe me." He whispered, reaching for her.

"I don't want to hurt you Edward." She told him, running over to his door and fleeing the room.

He wasn't fast enough and got to the door in time to see her rush into Alice's room, the loud echo of the door locking making him flinch and fall to his knees. How could I have been so stupid? He thought to himself, kicking himself that he had made such a monumental mistake and hurt he like that.

_I don't want to hurt you Edward._

Her words floated through his head over and over again. What could she have meant by that? Did she think that she wouldn't hurt him by fleeing from the room and hiding with his sister? Did she think that her rejecting his declaration would not hurt him?

His heart ached and he head throbbed as he banged it against the wall in anger. Tears flowed down he cheeks and part of him was glad that she was locked away behind a door and was unable to see his humiliation and sadness.

After staring blankly at Alice's bedroom door for over half an hour he slowly picked himself off the floor and crawled back into bed, digging in his dresser for the Valium that his father had given him months ago when he had been stressing too much. He found the tiny pills and took one with a large glass of water, laying back in his bed and waiting for the pills to take effect.

Finally after what felt like an eternity his eyes became heavy. He rolled to the side, facing away from the door and let sleep take a hold of him. Floating into a place filled with nothingness.

_I don't want to hurt you Edward._

_I don't want to hurt you Edward._

_I don't want to hurt you Edward._

~*~

"_I don't want to hurt you Edward."_ She knew that he wouldn't understand her meaning behind that fraise and let his thoughts muddle his as she felt to Alice's room.

She knew that leaving him like that would hurt him somewhat, but nowhere near as much as it would if she stayed. She was toxic. She was like poison, hurting people, and she didn't want to do that if she didn't have to. Love was not possible. Not for her. And she didn't want to put anyone through that, even Edward.

Shockingly she was glad that she could mark 'Lose my virginity' off her list, but she was upset with the circumstances. She never thought that she would lose her virginity to 'the one' and it had seemed right that she had given it to Edward. She was surprised to find that he had given his to her too, but she was ok with it.

She had come here to talk to him, and now she finally had the answers that she had been looking for. But were they the right ones? She didn't know. She had wanted there to be a connection between herself and Edward, but when the connection was revealed she wasn't so sure.

Alice was awake when Bella had flown into her room, and she smirked at the surprise on Bella's face. Alice went to ask the reason for this particular late night visit, but was immediately shushed by Bella before she even got a word out.

By some physic ability Alice had sensed that something cataclysmic had occurred between Bella and Edward the night of the party. She just wasn't sure what exactly. She had wanted Bella to tell her, but reconsidered it when she took into account the fact that her brother was involved.

Once Bella was sure Edward had gone back to his bed she allowed Alice to make conversation. Alice tried to give Bella the same answer she had always given her best friend. "You guys are meant for each other." But that seemed to get them nowhere.

Bella told her friend some of what happened at the party, not going into detail about what had occurred once clothes started littering the floor. Alice smirked when she realized why Bella was wearing a turtle neck and squealed so loudly that Bella was afraid that Edward would be the only other Cullen awake.

"What do I do now Alice?" Bella whispered to her friend who had her arms wrapped tightly around her delicate frame.

"You can't hide from love Bella. Sometimes it just finds you, and there's nothing you can do about it." Alice replied, handing Bella an extra pillow to lie on. Bella had slept over at Alice's house many times, so her showing up in the middle of the night was nothing new, just the circumstances were different.

Bella stayed up long after Alice's soft snores filled the room. Her thoughts were still focused on Edward and what exactly they were going to do next. Maybe in the light of day everything would seem obvious and the answer would come to her.

After hours of staring out the window her eyes finally became heavy and she fell asleep. Her dreams were filled with images of Edward and the look on his face as she slipped out his door and away from him. She woke up several times during the night, clutching her chest in fear as tears streamed down her face.

I don't want to hurt you Edward.

~*~

**Authors Note:** Don't kill me. It can't be perfect straight away. But it will get better I promise.

So, what do you think? Leave me a note and tell me your opinion and I will give you a fantastic sneak peek at what's coming next. Stay Tuned.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	8. Chapter 5: Relationships are Hard

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** I like this chapter. I hope you like it too =P

****Lemon Warning****

_It requires MORE courage to suffer than to die._

~*~

Footsteps outside the door were the first thing Bella heard as her eyes fluttered open reluctantly. One glance out the window made it perfectly clear that it was early; the sun wasn't even up yet. The time on Alice's alarm clock told Bella that it was 5:32am; no one Bella knew would be up this early.

The footsteps outside the door were rhythmical as they traced the same pattern up and down the hall, pausing slightly as they reached the door, before turning around and continuing their pacing. Part of her hoped that the footsteps belonged to Edward, but she didn't want to get her hopes up to be proved wrong once the door opened.

The footsteps faded, Bella listened carefully for a few minutes but couldn't help but feel disappointed when they didn't return. The person behind the door seemed to have given up.

It was still early morning, too early for Bella to even consider getting up. Her best friend was still breathing deeply beside her, dead to the world. Bella's mind was running a hundred miles an hour, going over and over what happened between herself and Edward last night.

Everything had seemed so clear when she had crawled through his window last night. She was expecting to have a decent conversation over their act of intimacy during the 'biggest party of the season' and to finish their relationship before it began under the guise of not wanting to damage their friendship.

She didn't expect for Edward to make a heartfelt confession regarding his newly discovered feelings for her. If she had thought that things were somewhat awkward before their moonlit conversation, she was wrong. Things had gotten a lot more complicated.

Bella thought for hours about what to do about her current situation with Edward, and after 2 over analyzed and torturous hours Bella was now studiously memorizing the pattern covering Alice's ceiling.

All she knew now was that the roof of Alice's bedroom had a floral pattern that were repeated exactly 10 times across the small amount of space, and that she really needed to have a conversation with Edward about what to do next.

Her eyes flashed back to the clock on Alice's bedside table and groaned when the numbers told her it was 7:30am. From experience Bella knew that the members of the Cullen family never rose from their slumber before the clock struck 8, apparently they weren't morning people either.

Groaning, Bella pushed the tangled sheets from her body and sat up slowly, not wanting to make her world spin just because she sat up too fast. She finally steeled away her nerves and padded her way across the carpet, pulling the door to Alice's bedroom open as silently as she could manage.

The hallway expectantly deserted; not another person or furry creature in sight. Her toes sank into the plush hallway carpet as she made her way to Edward's bedroom door. Her heart hammered loudly in her chest, trying to beat its tiny way out of her ribcage.

Slowly, she raised her hand up to the wood and knocked gently, torn. Part of her was hoping that Edward wouldn't be in his room, giving her a reason to back off from this confrontation without making a fool of herself. The other part really hoped that he was in his room, so that they could get this conversation over and done with before their relationship got even further out of control.

After waiting a solid five minutes Bella knocked again, this time with more emphasis. Her knuckles rapped against the solid door, waiting for Edward to help resolve the situation between them.

Still no answer, after knocking another 7 times, Bella grasped onto the golden door handle and pushed her way in. Edward's room looked messier in the light. Worn clothing littered the floor, along with a few scattered books and towels. Edward's bed was empty, the sheets tangled together at the bottom of his bed.

Bella looked around the room, looking for a sign that told of Edward's current whereabouts. A quick scan for clues came up fruitless, but just as she was about to give up a gift from God appeared in her peripheral vision; goggles. Sitting right on Edward's bedside table, next to his alarm clock was a pair of blue 'Forks High Swim Team' goggles.

A few years the Cullen's had taken it upon themselves to reconstruct their back yard to build an indoor swimming pool for their swim chap son, Edward. Though it would have been cheaper for them to just dig up their back yard and build a pool. They had believed that it would be better if the pool was constructed under a sturdy garage-like building, ensuring that their oldest child would always have the use of chlorine filled water as his behest, no matter what the weather was like.

Somehow Bella just knew that Edward was down at his parents pool swimming, something Alice had told Bella happened a lot when Edward needed to think about something with interruption from anyone else.

Her feet started moving before her brain could even come to a definitive decision. She made her way out of Edward's bedroom and down stairs, mentally preparing herself on what she wanted to say to Edward.

The grass was slippery and soggy beneath her feet as she walked across the garden to get to the Cullen's indoor swimming pool. Her decision to forego shoes in an effort to get to Edward faster only resulted in Bella getting her feet completely covered in mud and arriving at the pool door only seconds faster than she would have been if she had chosen to wear shoes.

The door handle was freezing cold beneath her fingers, causing her to shiver. A breeze made her hair fly around her, trying to cover her eyes. Beyond the door lay Edward, she was already aware of that fact due to the sounds of splashing water coming from inside the building, but what was she going to say to him?

Her breathing picked up, any faster and she would be hyperventilating. Her hand tightly wrapped itself along the door handle as she took one more deep breath and pushed open the solid door.

The first thing she saw was a shirtless Edward doing freestyle laps up and down the pool. He clearly wasn't aware of her presence as his strokes didn't stop even though she was now standing 4 meters away from where he was swimming.

Her attention was drawn firstly to his rippled back muscles. His strokes were clean and precise, sliding through the water with a perfection that matched professional ballet dancers. His body looked so masculine this way, and a deep blush covered her cheeks when she realized she knew _exactly_ what was hidden behind his tight fitting swim trunks with FHS covering the material over his ass.

She needed to get his attention, but wasn't sure she wanted to disrupt his current rhythm. Her muddy feet had left footprints all over the tiled floor of Edward's pool house. She made a note to clean up her mass later; right now she needed to talk to Edward before she lost her nerve.

She walked up to the poolside, standing inches from the edge of the pool. "Edward," she called softly, trying to get his attention. He didn't respond or stop swimming, just kept going.

"Edward." She said louder.

His movements paused as his feet hit the bottom of the pool. He pulled his goggles and swim cap from his head and stood in place. His expression was one of shock and confusion, his brows knotting together, small amounts of anger in his expressions.

"Bella," he sounded shocked. "What are you doing here?" His eyes trailed over her body, and she blushed as he studied her dirt covered feet.

"We need to talk, Edward." Her voice was shaky and her body trembled beneath her.

"I think I talked enough last night. Remember? I kissed you and confessed that I felt something more than friendship for you and you just ran off." His words were harsh and she flinched back in defense.

"You can't just drop something like that on me and expect everything to just magically change. We spent years of our lives playing horrible pranks on each other and you just think you can tell me you like me and everything will turn into a fairytale and we will ride together into the sunset? Get real Edward." She hadn't come here to hurt him but she wanted him to know the truth.

"Fine. If that's how you want to play it, then that's just fine with me. How about we just leave it as a simple fuck between frenemies." He said flippantly, making a move to put his goggles and cap back on, but was stopped in his tracks as a plastic pool toy hit his head.

"What the--" he was cut off by yet another plastic object flying at his head, this time it was harder.

"Bella, what that fuck?!" He yelled, throwing his cap and goggles to the side of the pool before flaying his arms around to prevent the attack from other objects that were flying at him in a continuous stream.

"I gave you my fucking virginity Edward and all you can say is it was just a fuck between frenemies. I really hate you right now." Her words were punctuated by a carefully aimed plastic duck finding purchase with Edward's shoulder.

"Shit! I always said that I would never fuck a virgin." He spat sarcastically, ducking a pool worm as it flew past his head.

"You're such a fucking asshole." She screamed, her voice echoing through the empty room as she picked up a harder object and flung it at his head.

"Do you have sex with all the guys you feel this way about?" He sneered, hoping that she would soon run out of objects to throw at him.

"I hate you." She whispered, dropping the last toy in defeat.

Silent tears now flowed freely down her cheeks and his heart broke. She looked so sad, so defeated, and it was his entire fault. His stomach was in knots as he slowly waded through the water to stand in front of her.

"Hey," he cooed softly, as if trying to calm a startled colt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Why do you keep doing this to me Edward?" She whispered, whipping the fresh tears from her cheeks.

"I don't know. Maybe because I would rather fight with you than make love with anyone else." His cold hands were now stroking her ankles lovingly, his gaze focused deeply into his eyes.

"You haven't _made_ love with anyone else, remember?" She said jokingly, making him chuckle lightly.

"I know. But what about the girl last year, we came pretty close." He laughed as Bella scowled; he knew that she hated Leah.

Leah Clearwater had been his first real girlfriend since the second grade, who had a voice that was so squeaky that the rest of the group had hated her instantly. Eventually their hatred for her had broken apart their relationship before anything got too serious between them.

"Leah was a good person. I still talk to her." He said, trying to be serious.

"Yeah, I know. It's just that… her voice… drove me crazy." She whispered, as if she was ashamed that she had such feelings of hatred for something so petty.

"It's her real voice, you know?" His voice was serious this time. "It drove me crazy too." He laughed.

"Did you love her?" She whispered.

"I _liked_ her a lot."

"Do you want me to like her too?" Her voice was almost too soft, like she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

"No, that's completely over." He replied, shaking his head. "I want you to like me." He whispered, now wanting to ram his head into the tiled floor like an ostrich as a faint blush covered his cheeks.

"Edward… I don't just like you." If he hadn't been listening so hard, he probably wouldn't have heard her.

"Promise?" His fingers were now tracing circles lightly over her ankles.

"Yes." She sounded so sure of herself.

The moment was so tender, so loving that something needed to be done to alleviate the newly formed tension between them. His hands that had previously been tracing light patterns over her ankles tightened; his long fingers were now wrapped completely around her delicate ankles.

Bella had always been a small girl; it seemed that she was never able to put on weight, which tended to ruffle the feathers of a few girls in their year that only ate salad products just to keep thin. So when Edward gave a small tug at her ankles, her weight was so light and she was so clumsy that her body fell forward and into the freezing water of the Cullen's pool, fully clothed.

The resounding splash of Bella's fall echoed through the empty room. Edward had swum to the edge of the pool, so that he was not hit by Bella on her way into the water. A large smirk covered his face as she breached the surface, gasping for breath. The anger and disbelief in her eyes made him chuckle, clearly she had definitely not been expecting for him to pull her down to him.

"What the fuck, Edward?" She yelled, swimming to the edge of the pool right beside him.

"I guess I just wanted to bring you down to my level." He chucked, his body wading through the water till he was right beside her.

"You could have just asked, you know." She growled giving him the dirtiest look she could muster under the circumstances.

"Would you have gotten into the pool if I asked?"

"Nope. But I'm pretty sure your mother taught you manners, pulling an unwilling girl into the pool isn't very gentleman like." He could see that her resolve was weakening and he smiled.

"I have done a lot of stuff my mummy wouldn't approve of." She giggled as a deep blush covered her cheeks.

Their bodies were so close together, their feet were brushing up against each other beneath the water. She could feel his heat, he was so close. Her eyes fluttered closed, just breathing in the scent of his natural musk as well as the overwhelming smell of chlorine. Last night she had been so unsure of what she wanted, but now her mind was clearing. She wanted him.

Her eyes locked on his as she brought her body closer to him. The fingers on her right hand tingled as she ran her fingers gently over his stubble covered cheeks. His skin was so warm, despite the temperature of the water. Her body drew closer to his until her entire torso was pressed up against him.

She could feel that his breathing was deeper, heavier, his lips only centimeters away from hers. Her heart rate picked up in her chest at the look of devotion he was sending her with his eyes. Not caring about the consequences this time she purposely pressed up against him harder, bringing her lips to his.

The kiss started off slowly, testing the waters between them. His tongue flicked out against her lips as she moaned, his arms wrapping around her tightly, crushing her small body against his. Her mouth opened to him and their tongues came together perfectly. He tasted of chlorine and toothpaste, she felt bad that she had neglected to brush her teeth this morning in her rush to confront him.

He spun them around, her back now pressed against the hard tile on the side of the pool. His body was crushed to hers so tightly it was almost as if her wanted in sink into her, to be apart of her body, instead of his own individual. She could feel his hardening length pressed against her thigh as she wriggled against him.

His moan was deep and throaty, his eyes flashing to hers as she pushed him away gently. His heart dropped, she didn't want him. She took one look at the sad look on his face and pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her torso completely bare. He gasped at the sight in front of him, thanking all gods available that she had decided to sleep braless.

His hands lunged forward, wrapping his fingers around one of her perfect breasts, the rest of his body following shortly after. She giggled as he pressed his lips to hers once more, his fingers now pressing against the soft buds of her nipples.

"God, Edward." She cried, as his body thrust up against hers, his arousal now brushing against her own.

"I have never felt like this before, Bella" he whispered against her lips, thrusting up again as she moaned.

"I know. Me either."

Her small hands trailed down his chest, her short nails scratching lightly over the ripples of his muscles. He gasped as she finally made her way down to his hardness, her hand wrapping around him through the thin material of his swim trunks.

Her hand fisted him, applying the right amount of pressure to drive him insane. His moans deepened as her other hand came down and stripped off the material that was covering his arousal. There was nothing covering his erection now. He was so hard in her hand, he felt like he was going to explode.

Her thumb brushed against the tip, purposefully, sliding back and forth over his slit. She could feel his body tightening as she continued her motions, bringing her hand from the base of his cock before swirling her wrist as she got to the tip.

He cried out as her other hand groped his balls, his mouth parting from hers, his face burying into her shoulder, sucking teasingly on the soft skin between her neck and shoulder.

"God, Bella, what are you doing to me?" He growled as his body seized, his eyes now pressed tightly together.

"Nothing that you don't want me to," she whispered into her ear, gripping him tighter in her hand as his body came undone before her eyes.

His mouth opened, biting against her shoulder as his arousal poured from him, the water washing away any evidence of their act. All that was left was teeth marks pressed into Bella's shoulder, Edward had marked her.

"Be patient with me?" She asked softly, her lips pressing against the top of his head.

"Anything." He whispered, gently kissing over her bite mark, his head still buried in her neck.

"Edward, I'm cold." She whispered after a few minutes, her body now shaking.

"You have to love Carlisle and Esme." He smirked, his eyes glistening with emotion as he brought up his face to look into her eyes.

"Why is that?" She was confused, what did loving Carlisle and Esme have to do with being cold.

"There are nice, albeit expensive, showers built into the back of his place." Her bright smile was all the encouragement he needed.

He wrapped his arms around her legs, carrying her through the water bridal style as he lifted them both from the water and in the direction of the hot showers his parents had insisted on. Water games were fun.

~*~

**Authors Note:** I really hope that you guys like this chapter. I would like to say this is the end of all the angst in this story, but there is only a bit more to come, so bare with me. I promise it will get better.

I'm sorry to say that I will be away all of next week and will be unable to post a chapter next Saturday. Sorry. I do have sneak peeks at the next chapter for you, so that will have to do for now I guess.

Like always, review and you will get a sneak peek. Please tell me what you think, I _need_ to know!

Much Love,

AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf

xx


	9. I Wish It Would All Just Stop

**Heyy Readers,**

You are probably wondering why you are receiving yet ANOTHER author's note that makes you want to claw out your own eyes, as well as mine. So here is the deal. I have barely even touched my stories -both of them. The need and lust I have for writing my stories has dimmed this past week with the news of my mother's surgery to have possible cancerous cists from her body. A surgery that I was not informed of until AFTER the fact.

After already losing one family member to cancer last year, and the possibility that I may lose another to this horrendous disease, I have to ask you to forgive me. I hope it is ok that I take a week off from writing; I need to clear my head. I am so sorry to do this to you yet again, and I would understand if you hate me and want to stop writing.

If you chose to decide that this is the last straw please think about how you would act in my situation. When it comes to my life _Sick Puppies_ lyrics mostly apply: _"Welcome to my world, where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone..."_

I will be back I promise. Please stay with me. For your viewing pleasure there are current banners for both _Never Say Never_ and _The Dark Inside Me_, on my profile. Please take a look and tell me what you think. I spent much time distracting myself by making those for you.

Note to _Never Say Never_ readers: Recently I decided to make "special banners". These banners each have a quote from the story attached to them, as well as an awesome photo that I have collected over the last few years, like the freak that I am. But trust me they are pretty good, if I do say so myself. These banners will be offered to readers over the next few chapters... more info will be given out in the next few chapters :P

Like I said, this break is temporary and I will be back soon, give me a week, 2 tops. I'm so sorry. I hope you will all forgive me for putting you through this again. Shit keeps happening to me this year and its pissing me off. Right now I wish that I could run away from everything, though I know that's not an option. Life just sucks right now!!!

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	10. Life Isn't Always a Fairytale

No my dear readers, this is not an update of your beloved story Dark Inside Me nor is it an update for Never Say never. This is a story of another kind. This is the story about a father and his battle against something that he could not win.

It was early January in a land far far away, a young man walked into his local medical practicians office enquiring to his doctor as to why he bruised easily and what was causing severe headaches that sometimes lasted for days. The doctor took some blood of the man and sent the correct forms away for analysis, not really giving a second thought to the young man's ailments.

The young man went home with a new box of aspirin and a brand new band-aid over the inside of his elbow. His mind drifted from the small flow of blood from his wound, his blood not clotting the way it should, and instead he focused his attention on his oldest child's new school assignment that needed to be handed in tomorrow. He knew that his wife would be home in a few hours and that he had plenty of time to help his daughter before dinner would be set on the table.

Over the next few weeks the headaches, nausea, bruises and blood clotting issues continued but the man pushed his own issues to the side focusing on getting a promotion at his work. His wife had been nagging him over their money issues and though his father had offered to help them out, the man had refused, thoroughly believing that he wanted to succeed on his own. Having already lost one of his siblings to a hit and run the boy didn't want to become a burden on his father, so he kept on with his medial job hoping that one day his effort would be good enough for a promotion.

Almost 3 weeks after his appointment with his local physician the man received a call from his doctor's nurse asking in a pleading tone for him to come into the doctor's office for more tests and the initial results from the blood exam.

The man thought nothing of it and made an appointment for later that day. Initially he was a little surprised that the doctor had cleared most of the afternoon for the man to come in, but once again that train of thought was pressed to the back of his mind when more important things were brought to his attention.

The man took barely any notice of the morose looks that were given to him by the doctors medical assistant when he entered the small office and instead focused on reading through a list of 'to do' items his boss had given him before he left for the day. His mind washed over the items on the list, already planning on how he would perform these tasks before work the next day.

The doctor's voice was heavy and laced with a few other emotions that struck the man as he was called into the doctor's office, but he just assumed that the doctor was having personal problems and sat down in the ugly leather seats inside the doctor's small room.

The man noticed that the doctor's face was grim as he asked about the man's day and how his kids were going at school. The man answered the doctor's questions, taking notes of the way the doctor still looked upset as he looked into the man's eyes. Finally the doctor shifted his position and pulled out the man's medical records as well as the results of the man's earlier blood test.

"I'm sorry sir, but our tests detected something unusual and we need to do further tests." The doctor told the man, his voice now empty of his earlier emotions.

"Should I be worried?" The man asked his doctor with a light chuckle, curious as to the doctor's change in attitude.

The doctor exhaled deeply and pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, his expression one of deep sadness and agony.

"We have found a... complication in your blood work." The doctor told the man, his eyes searching the man's face as if trying to make him understand something he could not even understand himself.

"We need to run some more tests, but we might have to refer you to another clinic to do that." The doctor explained, understanding that the man would now worry as to when he would find the time to make a trip to the city, especially if he was trying to get a promotion at work.

The man went home that night with another band-aid full of blood on the inside of his elbow and an upset expression on his face. His wife and children were worried about him but he assured them that nothing was wrong and that he was going to be fine.

The next day he was flustered at work and wasn't able to complete the list of things to do that his boss had given him. The vein in his bosses forehead stuck out as he was about to yell at the man but something in the man's expression stopped him and he left the man alone with his thoughts.

That weekend he asked his mother to look after his wife and kids, he was going to travel to the city hospital under the guise of a business trip, not wanting to upset or frighten his family.

The trip into the city was one that the man had never experienced before; all the stores and shops that littered the streets were new to man as he had not visited the city since he was a child. His hotel room was small and the TV only picked up a few channels but the man's mind wouldn't stop long enough for him to even attempt to absorb his mind in frivolous TV shows and garbage.

The hospital was white and very clean. The walls were lined with small amounts of artwork that were meant to make the patient feel more comfortable but only seemed to make the man more detached and cold, the works of finger paint only reminding him of another weekend he was missing with his children.

The Indian doctor who treated him was cold and detached, much like the building he worked in. He explained to the man that he had a disease, one that he would try to treat but whose success would be unlikely.

On the train ride home the man saw his life flash before his eyes. The promotion at work that he wanted to get. His children's weddings that he wanted to attend. His 35th birthday that he would never make it to.

All his life he had just wanted what was best for everyone around him, he never really had time to live and now his choice was being taken from him.

Later that night his wife collapsed on their kitchen floor as he explained that he had an incurable form of leukaemia. That his doctors would try to help him but there was nothing much he could do.

The man spent the next 6 months going in and out of the city hospital. His family was strained and sad for him. His beautiful girls knew that their father was sick but were told that daddy was fighting to stay with them. That he wanted to stay with them forever, even if forever wasn't possible.

The man's full head of hair thinned, thinned to a point where he had to wear a beanie over his head so as not to repulse people that walked past his hospital room.

The man's wife was taking the news harder than anyone else. She could only spend an hour a day at her husband's side and even then the air between them was strained. In some ways she blamed the man for what was happening to him and their family, even though it wasn't his fault.

Mid way through the month of August the man was given devastating news, he only had 6 months to live. His wife refused to leave her room for over a week. Meals were pushed through her door, ensuring that she was at least keeping something in her body.

The treatments hadn't worked and the man was devastated. His father, who had been paying his medical bills over the last 6 months, offered to send the man on holiday with his family; one final holiday to say goodbye. After much deliberation the man and his wife pulled their 3 little girls out of their school and into a campervan that they would use to travel around the country or at least until the man started to get sick again. The planned out a 3 month holiday around the country, knowing that the man may not be well enough to be outside of a hospital after the third month.

After two wonderful months of travelling the man started to get sick, much sicker than he was before the holiday. After consulting with the nearest hospital it was arranged for the man and his family to be sent back to their home town as the man was too sick to do anymore travelling.

The man got sicker as time went on and in his last few weeks his father and some friends arranged for the man to be placed in the care of his wife so that he could at least spend his last few days with his family.

His medication was high and the man was in a lot of pain. He was getting worse and his family knew it.

His wife was very supportive and made sure that each week she would visit the local pharmacy so that she could pick up his pain pills for the next week. One day, closer to Christmas, the man's wife came home upset that the local chemist did not have his pills ready that day, and that they would be ready the following day.

The man understood and tried to calm his wife, eventually getting her to settle down as she fell asleep on the couch. The next morning his eldest daughter came running into his room, screaming that her mommy would not wake up. The man was in a panic and didn't have the strength to pull him out of bed, calling his mother to come over and see what was going on.

The mother was distraught when she arrived at the man's house, also unable to wake the man's wife. An ambulance was called when his mother could not find her pulse, taking the man's wife to the nearest medical centre so that she could be airlifted to the hospital in the city.

The man's wife was pronounced dead of an overdose upon arrival at the hospital.

2 weeks later the man joined his wife in the ground, leaving their 3 daughters under the care of his mother. The hardest thing he ever had to do was explain to his children that both mommy and daddy weren't coming home from the hospital.

This story has no happy ending. It isn't a fairytale. Life doesn't always end the way we want it to and sometimes people can be really stupid, but there's nothing else we can do.

***

My cousin David died 3 days before Christmas last year. His leukaemia was untreatable. His wife took her own life with his pain medication, leaving my aunt to look after their three girls under the age to 12 even though she is pushing 60.

His funeral was beautiful. He was buried with an urn of his sisters ashes under his arm, forever looking after his baby sister.

Cancer is horrible. It rips families apart and takes parents from their children, and children from their parents.

"No parent should ever have to bury their child."

Is one of the saddest quotes I have ever heard of and it is so true. My aunt and uncle have buried two of their 3 children and it is the most horrible thing in the world.

His D.O.D. is coming up soon and our whole family are once again saddened by our loss. So I am sorry that I haven't updated. Recently my mum has had tests run to see if she might have cancer and it has brought all this back up for me. I know this is no excuse but please believe me that I am sorry for doing this to you guys. I love you all so much.

I want to update soon and hopefully I will. Just be patient and I promise I will not give up on you guys if you won't give up on me.

Go and bid on an author for "Fandom Gives Back" it's a worthy cause and every little bit helps.

Sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


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